Spiritual and identity-based violence: manifestations and consequences

Identity-Based Violence

Identity-based violence targets the victim's points of reference and reasons for living, such as :

• Questioning one's core values;
• Mocking one's dreams;
• Discrediting or ridiculing one's goals or professional achievements;
• Deliberately interfering with the realization of one's dreams or projects;
• Imposing a lifestyle;
• Encouraging self-destructive or suicidal behavior; etc.

Spiritual Violence

Spiritual violence is a form of identity-based violence that targets a person's beliefs, whether spiritual or religious, such as:

• Preventing or forcing one to perform activities related to spiritual beliefs, such as praying or wearing a religious sign;
• Preventing one from participating in social activities related to one's beliefs, such as attending a place of worship;
• Preventing or forcing one to observe certain holidays or rituals related to religious beliefs;
• Imposing a way of life by invoking religion;
• Unilaterally imposing a religious identity on children;
• Etc.

Spiritual violence is also linked to honor-based violence, which occurs when an aggressor punishes a victim who does not submit to spiritual or religious beliefs, and who is perceived to have harmed the honor of the partner himself, or more broadly that of his family or community.

Imposition of the Aggressor's Identity

Gradually, the abusive partner will impose THEIR identity, the meaning THEY give to their life, THEIR values, THEIR beliefs of religion, THEIR projects and THEIR dreams on the victim. Over time, the abusive partner may even highjack the victim's identity, replacing the meaning the victim used to give to her life and becoming the victim's reason for living. The abuser thus makes molds the victim into an extension of themselves, a means to their own ends. This can often be seen when a victim invests themselves wholeheartedly in the partner's projects, businesses or hobbies, to the detriment of their own. They may also sacrifice things that were previously very important to them - a career, for example - to the benefit of the abuser's career.

Consequences

Spiritual and identity-based violence deprives the victim of essential bearings in their life, as if their inner compass had been taken away. It can make them feel like they would be nothing without the partner, because the partner is now their only reference point, and it's their compass that guides the victim's life. This can also give the victim the impression that they don't know what they want, harming their ability to make choices for themselves. The victim may feel empty, lost or panicked when the partner is absent or when they deny the validation that the victim needs. Ultimately, spiritual and identity violence will also impair the victim's ability to question the relationship with the partner.

It's important to point out that a victim whose identity is strongly highjacked by the abuser may wrongly appear to be suffering from a form of co-dependence. It's not a question of dependence, but rather, indicative of how strongly the partner exerts a psychological hold on the victim.

Rebuilding one's identity

Following an abusive relationship with an intimate partner, a survivor will slowly rediscover and rebuild their own identity. They will need time, understanding and support from loved ones during this period, when they may feel particularly vulnerable and may not recognize themselves. They will need time to find themselves, redefine themselves and rebuild their bearings.

Although it can be difficult in many ways, the period of rebuilding one's identity can also be particularly fertile, interesting and sometimes even exciting. In addition to rediscovering certain aspects of themselves, it's often also a time of renewal when a survivor can discover new things, open up to new beliefs, make new choices and redefine their life.