Spiritual and identity-based violence: manifestations and consequences

Understanding IPV

Spiritual and identity-based violence: manifestations and consequences

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Like all other forms of violence, spiritual and identity-based violence includes a wide variety of violent behaviours aimed at gaining power over the victim and depriving them of their freedom. The particularity of this form of violence is that it targets the core meaning the victim gives to their life : beliefs, values, dreams, personal goals and aspirations.

Identity-Based Violence

Identity-based violence targets the victim's points of reference and reasons for living, such as :

  • Questioning one's core values;
  • Mocking one's dreams;
  • Discrediting or ridiculing one's goals or professional achievements;
  • Deliberately interfering with the realization of one's dreams or projects;
  • Imposing a lifestyle;
  • Encouraging self-destructive or suicidal behavior; etc.

Spiritual Violence

Spiritual violence is a form of identity-based violence that targets a person's beliefs, whether spiritual or religious, such as:

  • Preventing or forcing one to perform activities related to spiritual beliefs, such as praying or wearing a religious sign;
  • Preventing one from participating in social activities related to one's beliefs, such as attending a place of worship;
  • Preventing or forcing one to observe certain holidays or rituals related to religious beliefs;
  • Imposing a way of life by invoking religion;
  • Unilaterally imposing a religious identity on children;
  • Etc.

Spiritual violence is also linked to honor-based violence, which occurs when an aggressor punishes a victim who does not submit to spiritual or religious beliefs, and who is perceived to have harmed the honor of the partner himself, or more broadly that of his family or community.

Imposition of the Aggressor's Identity

Gradually, the abusive partner will impose THEIR identity, the meaning THEY give to their life, THEIR values, THEIR beliefs of religion, THEIR projects and THEIR dreams on the victim. Over time, the abusive partner may even highjack the victim's identity, replacing the meaning the victim used to give to her life and becoming the victim's reason for living. The abuser thus makes molds the victim into an extension of themselves, a means to their own ends. This can often be seen when a victim invests themselves wholeheartedly in the partner's projects, businesses or hobbies, to the detriment of their own. They may also sacrifice things that were previously very important to them - a career, for example - to the benefit of the abuser's career.

Consequences

Spiritual and identity-based violence deprives the victim of essential bearings in their life, as if their inner compass had been taken away. It can make them feel like they would be nothing without the partner, because the partner is now their only reference point, and it's their compass that guides the victim's life. This can also give the victim the impression that they don't know what they want, harming their ability to make choices for themselves. The victim may feel empty, lost or panicked when the partner is absent or when they deny the validation that the victim needs. Ultimately, spiritual and identity violence will also impair the victim's ability to question the relationship with the partner.


It's important to point out that a victim whose identity is strongly highjacked by the abuser may wrongly appear to be suffering from a form of co-dependence. It's not a question of dependence, but rather, indicative of how strongly the partner exerts a psychological hold on the victim.

He'd often "leave" me... and each time I'd fight to get him back, despite the violence and despite the fact that I knew that he wasn't good for me... at the same time I felt like I'd be nothing without him. I was going into a state of panic and would have done anything to get him back. My sister told me I was "dependent" and that I had a borderline personality...and that really hurt me in my journey because I thought I was the problem. I tried to work on myself and my partner even used it against me... Now I understand that the problem was him, it was the cage he'd built around me.

Rebuilding one's identity

Following an abusive relationship with an intimate partner, a survivor will slowly rediscover and rebuild their own identity. They will need time, understanding and support from loved ones during this period, when they may feel particularly vulnerable and may not recognize themselves. They will need time to find themselves, redefine themselves and rebuild their bearings.


Although it can be difficult in many ways, the period of rebuilding one's identity can also be particularly fertile, interesting and sometimes even exciting. In addition to rediscovering certain aspects of themselves, it's often also a time of renewal when a survivor can discover new things, open up to new beliefs, make new choices and redefine their life.

I felt like I was disappearing during my relationship with my ex. All that counted was what he wanted : his dreams, his ambitions, his projects. I worked in his company, crazy hours. I put most of my life on hold for him. It's as if all my projects, my ambitions, even my choice of career in counselling, were worthless in his eyes, and it became the same for me. I've rebuilt some things since I left him, and had to reinvent others. I've never felt like working in my field again for example, but I've found another passion in the visual arts.

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Bien que la violence conjugale touche majoritairement des femmes, elle peut aussi toucher les hommes et les personnes issues de la diversité sexuelle et de genre. Les services de SOS violence conjugale sont offerts à toutes les personnes touchées par la problématique.

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