A few weeks after I gave him an ultimatum (leaving him unless he changed), he proposed to me on my best friend's wedding day, in front of all our friends, using the «momentum» of that day so that I had no choice but to say yes... or to break up with him on the spot and very publicly. I've never felt so stressed out in my life. I did say yes... I didn't see how I could say no in that context. I was judged by my friends after that... They just didn't understand that the best way to isolate me was to do exactly this.

I had a girlfriend who was very financially controlling with me. She lent me some money to pay for my university term and despite the fact that we had a repayment agreement that I respected, she seemed to feel that she had the right to criticize every expense, every choice I made about my work schedule, etc. One time I had finished work early and stopped for something to eat at a fast food restaurant. It had barely cost me $5. The next day, my girlfriend called me at work to yell at me because she had found the receipt in the garbage. She said that instead of working, I had gone to «stuff my face» and spend HER money. She called me names: profiteer, lazy and so on. She screamed so loudly that everyone at work heard her. I was so shocked and ashamed that I apologized. Now I realize how she was the one who was wrong and not me.

When he came home from work, I tried to evaluate what mood he was in. If he was in a bad mood, I could feel it as soon as he stepped out of his car and I was instantly on the alert. Those times, no matter what I did, it always ended badly. He would go so far as to smash anything he could get his hands on.

When I did something that upset him, he ignored me for days, even weeks, without telling me why he was upset. I had to guess, and until I made amends, the horrible pressure would go on. He made me feel as though he was holding back a great deal of anger towards me, but he never made it clear.

One of the pitfalls of my relationship was that he succeeds in giving me the illusion that he was taking my point of view into account... but in the end, it was just a ruse to fool me. For example, one day he hit me and really hurt me. I told him that if he ever hit me again, it was over. He agreed and indeed, he never hit me again and had even gone to see a psychologist... but his psychological abuse and control never stopped growing. However, because he didn't hit me, and I felt like he had kept his word, it took years before I was able to question my relationship.

He went from one extreme to the other, from the most intense anger to the sweetest, most generous, most caring lover. It was a roller coaster ride. Over time, there were more and more «lows» and fewer and fewer «highs»... but just enough to keep me a prisoner of his circus.

I was worried about my little sister. She was about to turn down a job opportunity because her boyfriend didn't want her to work there because his ex worked in the same building. I didn't know what to do... it was a colleague who suggested I call SOS for help. It helped me to respect my sister's choice, to understand that she was doing what was best for her in the here and now. But I won't hide the fact that it's hard to do.

When I separated, it was a neighbour who helped me to see things more clearly. He helped me gain self-confidence. He took me in until I was financially and morally ready to find my own place. Now I know that I am independent and that I don't need anyone.

My ex-boyfriend had installed parental control software on my computer without my knowledge, so he had access to all my online activities: the websites I visited, my passwords, access to my bank accounts, my Facebook, my email... everything.

First, he didn't want custody of our son. When he found out that he would have to pay child support if I had full custody, he applied for shared custody and then accepted «extended access», long weekends and Wednesday nights. We spent almost two years in court because of the delays he caused in the proceedings. It cost me a fortune in legal fees. In the end, he was supposed to give me a small child support payment (less than 100$ a month), but he resented me for having to do so. Since the court, he hasn't respected the conditions of our child's custody. He comes to pick him up and bring him back to me whenever he wants, without telling me. He says he doesn't care if I'm not there when he brings my son back, and that it's not his problem if I can't be there for him. He keeps him with him, at most, 2-3 nights a month and therefore, doesn't pay me enough child support for our actual time. When I talked to him about it, he made death threats and told me that if I took him back to court, I would have to «forget» my son. I chose not to do anything about it for now, to protect myself and my son. Fortunately, an interviewer is helping me document my case for the day I want to move forward.

When I tried to leave the first time, he threatened to reveal sensitive information he had about me to my relatives. I had confided to him that I had been sexually assaulted by one of my brothers when I was young and that I was still affected by that experience today. He told me that he was going to tell my parents, now aging and both of them having serious health problems. I was flabbergasted... and basically frozen in the relationship. I broke up with him only a few years later, after both my parents had died.

He ridiculed my spiritual beliefs (personal growth classes), saying that I was going to a monastery to «get felt up» by the monks.