First, he didn't want custody of our son. When he found out that he would have to pay child support if I had full custody, he applied for shared custody and then accepted «extended access», long weekends and Wednesday nights. We spent almost two years in court because of the delays he caused in the proceedings. It cost me a fortune in legal fees. In the end, he was supposed to give me a small child support payment (less than 100$ a month), but he resented me for having to do so. Since the court, he hasn't respected the conditions of our child's custody. He comes to pick him up and bring him back to me whenever he wants, without telling me. He says he doesn't care if I'm not there when he brings my son back, and that it's not his problem if I can't be there for him. He keeps him with him, at most, 2-3 nights a month and therefore, doesn't pay me enough child support for our actual time. When I talked to him about it, he made death threats and told me that if I took him back to court, I would have to «forget» my son. I chose not to do anything about it for now, to protect myself and my son. Fortunately, an interviewer is helping me document my case for the day I want to move forward.

When I tried to leave the first time, he threatened to reveal sensitive information he had about me to my relatives. I had confided to him that I had been sexually assaulted by one of my brothers when I was young and that I was still affected by that experience today. He told me that he was going to tell my parents, now aging and both of them having serious health problems. I was flabbergasted... and basically frozen in the relationship. I broke up with him only a few years later, after both my parents had died.

He ridiculed my spiritual beliefs (personal growth classes), saying that I was going to a monastery to «get felt up» by the monks.

At first I was afraid. Then my partner started telling me that I always exaggerated everything, that I was dramatic, that I was making up stories, that I was inventing problems, etc. After a while... my fear just... shut up. One day, my partner threatened me with a knife and I felt nothing. Nothing at all. He had managed to disconnect my alarm system. The best advice I could give to a person who is afraid today... is to listen to their fear.

I had been working for three years with a family whose child had severe behavioural problems. Nothing was working. My usual methods weren't working. The mother was discouraged and seemed increasingly depressed. On one visit when the father was not present, I noticed that the mother seemed to fear the father's reaction if the child did not improve. I asked her about this and from her answers I realized that she was a victim of violence. I was uncomfortable because I wasn't sure how to intervene in this sensitive situation. I called SOS and was offered intervention support and tools to share with my team.

He offered me a cell phone. I didn't know it, but he had access to my messages and everything I consulted on the internet.

He was watching me like a hawk. He would check the odometer on my car and compare it with google maps to see if «it made sense». I wasn't allowed to have a Facebook or Instagram account or anything else. I had to change my personal email address to a «couple» email address that he had access to. It was a prison.

For me the most difficult issue to endure was his jealousy. My husband evaluated everything, my clothes, my activities, my choices according to my «potential» for infidelity. At the beginning of our relationship, he had warned me that he was insecure because his father had abandoned him and I understood this, so I tried to help him by avoiding doing things that would make him anxious... but it was impossible. He said that he knew me well and that I had a high «potential for infidelity». If I had the misfortune of talking about a male colleague, he would interrogate me about him and about our «relationship». If I bought a new dress, he thought I was trying to seduce someone. If my eyes had the misfortune to go to a place where there was a man, I was «on the hunt». As the years went by, my universe shrank and shrank... I felt imprisoned by his doubts about me.

It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't the problem. I thought for a long, long time that it was my behaviour that was causing my partner's violence. He always had an explanation for his violence, and that explanation was always me. He said that I was «bringing out the worst in him».

I'am a social worker and I always keep the SOS-INFO brochures in my office because it explains what intimate partner violence is all about. Since I am not a specialist on the subject, these documents allow me to receive ongoing training on the problem, but also to be able to better evaluate or explain it with the people I meet.

I was very worried about my mother and sisters. I had learned from one of them that our mother was experiencing psychological and verbal abuse from my stepfather. I tried to talk to her about it, but she wouldn't tell me anything and shut down. I knew I couldn't force her, but at the same time I was concerned about my sisters who were living in this toxic environment. I called 811 and they referred me to SOS violence conjugale. I spoke with to a counsellor and I was able to receive support, but also information about intimate partner violence. When I saw my mother again, I was able to apply the counsellor's advice and my mother confided in me. I called SOS again with her and we found a shelter for her and my sisters.

I just wanted to thank you for the help you gave me when I called you 2 years ago. I have been able to get out of my ex's grip for over a year and a half. I wanted to tell you that because it's not just horror stories, there are many people who are getting out of it, and you are contributing to that day after day. I was with a narcissistic, manipulative, mean and controlling man. I called you towards the end of the relationship, after I had to contact the police twice to help me. It was difficult and it took me several attempts, but I managed to get through it. When I called you it helped me a lot, I needed to talk and my social network was exhausted. They didn't have the energy to keep hearing me tell horror stories (and I wasn't telling them everything, of course) and yet see me stay with him afterwards. Your support and advice helped me a lot. So thank you very much. Thank you for being there and for supporting people who are under someone else's domination like I was.