At the beginning of the relationship, he was the perfect guy. Respectful, fun to be around and he showered me with compliments. I had never felt so fulfilled. When little cracks appeared in his image, little insults, inappropriate comments... it was okay because I had already «decided» that he was a nice, respectful, understanding guy in my head. Instead of doubting him and his behaviour... I began to doubt myself.

My ex killed my dog to get to me...

He was racist towards me, and in general. He had prejudices based on skin color or ethnic origin. And when I tried to defend myself... or go against his ideas about others, he said that I was "reverse racism" and that everything was owed to me... It made for painful conversations, where I felt defensive, which he used to show me that I was the one who was closed to him, and essentially racist in my turn. I came out of those conversations exhausted and confused.

One night, I was in bed and having trouble sleeping when suddenly he came into the house in a rage. He stared at me, spit in my face and accused me of «judging him». I tried to tell him that our son is sleeping. He went completely crazy, hitting everywhere, on the counter, on the walls and finally he grabbed my arm and pulled me into our bedroom. He told me to pack my bags and leave. He didn't let me take my son to leave. I cried, I was panicking because I couldn't leave without my child. I waited for him to go outside for a cigarette and I walked into the room, took my boy, telling myself that he wouldn't do anything to me as long as I had my son in my arms. My mistake... he pushed us in the entrance and we went down seven ceramic steps. I hugged my son against me and turned on my back to absorb the shock. It hurt really bad and I lost my breath for a long time. I went to my parents' house... and that was the end for me. I left him.

When I called SOS, it was because my sister had seen clearly in my situation... while I was very, very far from seeing what was happening to me. When there is violence, it's like your partner puts a bag over your head... you can't see clearly, it's impossible. My sister was patient, she understood. At first, it seemed completely crazy to me... me?? A victim of violence?? No way !!! It took 7 months, between the moment she told me about her fears and the moment I called. I will always be grateful to her for understanding me... when I didn't understand myself.

I endured insults, reproaches, having to "walk on eggshells" for 2 years in order not to inflame his anger. The lockdown was the worst, he didn't even hide the fact that he visited his mistress every weekend anymore. He said we were taking a break from each other because he needed to think... but that I couldn't leave because immigration papers forbade it, you know...

According to him, those who get the Covid-19 vaccine are "sheep who don't think for themselves." Now I feel uncomfortable doing it...and he doesn't want us to vaccinate our children either. My opinion doesn't matter unless I agree with him....

I'm going to talk to you who are going through this. It was the same for me. I fell in love with a man I thought was perfect, I even married him. It wasn't long before jealousy, manipulation and psychological violence set in. He made me believe that I wasn't good enough, he even managed to turn my relatives, his family, our friends against me... I was physically abused and then sexually abused (yes, rape does exist within a marriage, but no one dares to talk about it). You are not crazy, you know the difference... you feel that it is violence. I know you think you're weak, that you're not worth anything without him, because he's been telling you that all along, but it's not true. I'm not going to lie to you though, the road won't be easy... but hang in there, be strong and above all don't forget that your life is precious and that yes you have the courage you need deep inside you! Yes, many things were broken inside of you but you will discover many new and even more beautiful things that will put a band-aid on what is destroyed ❤.

Several years ago, I worked in a small community group that helped victims of conjugal violence and later as a social worker at wellfare. I met women who arrived at the shelter and had to apply for financial aid as a last resort because they had nothing... often nothing at all. I helped many with words, a smile, a joke, a touch on the arm to give them back their humanity. I met women from all walks of life, mothers who had been prisoners at home and professionals, including a lawyer who practiced family law. Each of them, strong women because to survive this violence you need incredible strength...

One time, he was talking about the Turcotte affair and said: «it's because of women like you that we end up killing our children». I was terrified by his use of «we»... even though he replied that he wasn't talking «as himself» just «in general»...

Everything was always my fault... He said I was responsible for his mood swings (and his violence) : «You're the one who put me in this state. You're pushing me to the limit! »

My ex was always asking me to make «compromises» that often meant to stay away from my friends, my family, my ambitions, etc. He would tell me that I was investing too much energy in certain activities (my studies for example) or certain people, instead of investing myself with him. Today, I know that there is a difference between a compromise... and a sacrifice.