I had been working for three years with a family whose child had severe behavioural problems. Nothing was working. My usual methods weren't working. The mother was discouraged and seemed increasingly depressed. On one visit when the father was not present, I noticed that the mother seemed to fear the father's reaction if the child did not improve. I asked her about this and from her answers I realized that she was a victim of violence. I was uncomfortable because I wasn't sure how to intervene in this sensitive situation. I called SOS and was offered intervention support and tools to share with my team.

He offered me a cell phone. I didn't know it, but he had access to my messages and everything I consulted on the internet.

He was watching me like a hawk. He would check the odometer on my car and compare it with google maps to see if «it made sense». I wasn't allowed to have a Facebook or Instagram account or anything else. I had to change my personal email address to a «couple» email address that he had access to. It was a prison.

For me the most difficult issue to endure was his jealousy. My husband evaluated everything, my clothes, my activities, my choices according to my «potential» for infidelity. At the beginning of our relationship, he had warned me that he was insecure because his father had abandoned him and I understood this, so I tried to help him by avoiding doing things that would make him anxious... but it was impossible. He said that he knew me well and that I had a high «potential for infidelity». If I had the misfortune of talking about a male colleague, he would interrogate me about him and about our «relationship». If I bought a new dress, he thought I was trying to seduce someone. If my eyes had the misfortune to go to a place where there was a man, I was «on the hunt». As the years went by, my universe shrank and shrank... I felt imprisoned by his doubts about me.

It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't the problem. I thought for a long, long time that it was my behaviour that was causing my partner's violence. He always had an explanation for his violence, and that explanation was always me. He said that I was «bringing out the worst in him».

I'am a social worker and I always keep the SOS-INFO brochures in my office because it explains what intimate partner violence is all about. Since I am not a specialist on the subject, these documents allow me to receive ongoing training on the problem, but also to be able to better evaluate or explain it with the people I meet.

I was very worried about my mother and sisters. I had learned from one of them that our mother was experiencing psychological and verbal abuse from my stepfather. I tried to talk to her about it, but she wouldn't tell me anything and shut down. I knew I couldn't force her, but at the same time I was concerned about my sisters who were living in this toxic environment. I called 811 and they referred me to SOS violence conjugale. I spoke with to a counsellor and I was able to receive support, but also information about intimate partner violence. When I saw my mother again, I was able to apply the counsellor's advice and my mother confided in me. I called SOS again with her and we found a shelter for her and my sisters.

I just wanted to thank you for the help you gave me when I called you 2 years ago. I have been able to get out of my ex's grip for over a year and a half. I wanted to tell you that because it's not just horror stories, there are many people who are getting out of it, and you are contributing to that day after day. I was with a narcissistic, manipulative, mean and controlling man. I called you towards the end of the relationship, after I had to contact the police twice to help me. It was difficult and it took me several attempts, but I managed to get through it. When I called you it helped me a lot, I needed to talk and my social network was exhausted. They didn't have the energy to keep hearing me tell horror stories (and I wasn't telling them everything, of course) and yet see me stay with him afterwards. Your support and advice helped me a lot. So thank you very much. Thank you for being there and for supporting people who are under someone else's domination like I was.

If I didn't respond to his texts in less than 5 mins, it was a total crisis. I had to stop on the road or spend my time in the bathroom at work to answer him. I was reprimanded at work and almost lost my job... it was so stressful...

Yesterday, my best friend lent me her phone to do some research while she went to the counter to order food... and her partner started texting her... and what I read worried me. I saw threats, and disrespect. He demanded to know where she was, and why she didn't call him right away when he asked her to. When my friend came back, I showed her the messages and she became extremely nervous. She took her phone back and started to text him. 10 minutes later she said she had a stomach ache and that she needed to go home . But I think her partner demanded that she go home.

When we first met, I remember telling him that I was really bad at math, it was sort of a joke but I really had flunked sec 5 math. After that, he would always call me out about that, but he told me that it didn't matter because he was really good at math. With time, this became the pretext for him to take care of everything concerning our financial life. At first I was relieved (who wouldn't be !)... but as time went by, I had less and less space and less and less power over my own financial situation. He would monitor my credit card purchases and criticize any expense that we hadn't «thought through» together... he also said that I was «financially irresponsible».

I spent whole nights not sleeping, because he often told me that one day he was going to commit suicide and take me with him.